Friday, 28 July 2017

Magical Moments

Initially, when I started writing this morning, all I had was a title: Things I Can't Quite Say. Needless to say, I wasn't really getting anywhere (shocking, I know). And then it occurred to me that I was typing, deleting and re-typing some soppy, semi-poetic ballad of sadness that I felt, and felt the need to get out of my system. 

You see, I'm not good at talking to people. Not about 'real' things -- about my problems or why I'm sad..... honestly, I'm not even good at admitting when I am sad. And it occurred to me recently that my own insular self-security system was chipping away at my happiness from the inside. I had hit a point in my life where I was flooded in what I like to call 'Guilty Feelings'. I felt guilty for feeling sad about things that had happened, when I know things can always be worse. I felt guilty for feeling happy, when I know that it's not time to feel happy, yet. I felt guilty for doing nothing, and guilty for busying myself away from facing my problems. I felt guilty for just about everything.

So, naturally, when I sat down to write, all that was coming was guilt, sadness, and a little regret. How lovely. Just what you wanted to read, right?

Luckily for me (and you), my friends know me better than I do, and my writer's block led me to picking up a book that was made for me for my recent birthday. Within this book, my friend created nine chapters, each explained as a celebration of my personal life and character; friendship, courage, compassion, humility, laughter and madness, happiness, freedom, adventure, and gratitude.

Flicking through the book (all 129 pages of it!!!) I realized that I was, once again, failing to adhere to my very own advice. How often do I publish articles that focus on perspective, gratitude, authenticity and self-forgiveness? Almost always. Yet I wasn't filling myself with the understanding I would've piled onto a friend in the same situation. Flicking through pictures and recounted stories drew the guilty feelings out -- I laughed and cried and all the messy in between, and for the first time in a long time, I liked letting go.

And this is what matters. Yes, the 'magical moments' themselves were wonderful -- the travel and the laughter and the evolution of friendships -- but what really matters are those moments when you feel utterly, truly, wholly loved in the wake of their passing. 

The ability to hold onto the heat of a moment long after it has past is the ability to let yourself live a little more than you might've though possible. 


No comments

Post a Comment

Blogger Template by pipdig