The Only Miracle In Me Is You.
Why make wine from water
When you can make monsters from me?

I Remember The Day I Looked In The Mirror And Saw Your Reflection Instead Of Mine.
That's how neatly we fit, wasn't it?
Even the way you disagreed with me warped perfectly around the way I told you you were wrong
The way you threw compliments at me like confetti and glitter and rice
Hit my walls with such force that they rebounded back
Again and again
Until we found ourselves playing tennis through a concrete net
In this game that would never end
And it never ended
So I forfeited us up
I hope you'll understand
I was tired of the ace
And even still I feel like a child
Clinging to a shattered mirror
Saying aloud, again and again,
It isn't broken,
It isn't
I know I have to let you go
And let me let you go
And when I began writing this
That's what I was trying to do
Unless this letter is just another way
Of me clinging to a game
We used to play

Gin and Tonic.
Indulging in you is like
Indulging in honey;
Soothing, sweet, sticky,

I shouldn’t.
How couldn’t I?
You know
Of course, you know,
That I cannot, not.

When you roll down the back of my throat;
I realize again
And again –

That strawberries taste like lips,
Apples like morning air,
Grapes like fireworks,
And you like forever, never.

I don’t want to know. 
I suck on lemons
To erase the taste of you.
That sweet,
Melting taste
Of passion
Were they lies,
Or just mistakes?
Don’t tell me,
Leave me,
I’m happy here
Sucking on lemons,
Tasting the sour
That I keep.

And if I could do it all again, I wouldn’t.
I don’t believe in love at first sight.
I believe in yelling,
And screaming
And tears that flow faster than the blood in my veins,
Yet softer than the way you hold me
When we make up.

I believe in falling asleep at night,
Next to you,
Apart from you,
With you,
Without you,
Knowing it wasn’t perfect,
But you were.

Don’t crawl out the window.
Do not write me
Into your story –
Start again,
And start with me.
Do not build me
Into your world –
Build a world
With me in it.
Do not add me
To your list –
Start a list with me
And end it there.
Do not come to me
With tears or fear
And tell me that
You’re sorry –
Come to me
With tears and fears
And tell me that
You’ll stay.

All the things you taught me but never expected me to act upon.
You tell me to sit,
To be quiet,
To be respectful –
But what respect have you earnt through my silence?

I was not born for your
For your grip or demand –

I was born for my voice.
For my booming,

For the thoughts that roll out of me,
The strength that flows through my veins,
The hurt that teaches people like you

Here, let me show you the door.
You came in like thunder
Tearing up the sky.

You came in like sunrise
Overflowing the riverbank.

You came in like vodka
Exploding through the mountains.

You came in like candy
Melting the snow.

But now I see
The way you left
Says more
Than the way you came.

 Maybe you should get your feet wet.
You look like you smell of syrup;
Of sticky, sweet syrup
That has never known bitterness
And never will.

Pitter patter
Doesn’t matter
Tick Tock
Something’s lost
Dive down
Sink snug
Blackish smudge
Ring ring
Wring wring
Left right
Don’t write
Splish splosh
Table cloth
Crimson crystal
Cotton cradle
Tick tock
Lost lost.

This Is How I Leave You
You came in like the rains I’d been praying for
As I’d danced around in circles
In a drought of everything I was
Only the other night
You flooded my life with touches
And holds and kisses
And scratches and kicks
And bloodied bruises
I went from no one
To someone
To your one
Not my one
The water you quenched me with
Fell not from the sky
But lay buried within the earth
And what does that say about me?
But as iron sharpens iron,
So one person sharpens another,
So you sawed me into a weapon
Because I didn’t know any better
And I hated you,
Oh, God, did I hate you –
I’d probably keep going on
Hating you, forever
But the shit we shared is a mirror of me
And I can’t keep blaming
The mirror for the life it replays
I used you to find myself,
To save and heal my wounds
But I know now - you do not find yourself.
You create.
And if my mother was right when she told me;
A tower built on a hill cannot be hidden
Then I will build myself up as high as the man that made you
And as far from the underground water that is you.


1 comment

  1. i think my brain grew a tumour trying to comprehend these poems


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